Pissed

Tonight my favourite soccer team lost.....It was a looong game, very thrilling but the referee seemed to be a) blind or b) not very objective *grrrrr* And i can't stand the winner's team, FC Bayern München. I know i shouldn't be immature and that they just did their job, but still. I can't stand them!! Especially when they beat my beloved Real Madrid ....

Besides that something else made me loose the (very!) good mood i had today. How can some people NOT understand that when you ask them for comfort, you don't want to hear that life is just that bitchy and that you should cope with it. No thank you! If i especially ask for comfort, i DON'T want to hear the reason that made me sad. The argument "But hey, i don't want to lie. Life really is that stupid" is invalid.

I'm not stupid, i already know that -.- Bäh, i'm just pissed right now. It was such a good day and it ended horribly.
It was sunny, the wind was fun (it was strong *g* and nearly blew me away XD), i found a manga i was searching for (Adekan Vol. 4),

could delete some things from my To-Do-List and met two good friends *kisses* In Short, one of the rare days where everything just goes well. Till tonight -.-
*sigh* I hope i won't meet people who liked Bayern München winning tomorrow, the mood i'm in wouldn't be good for their health...

I think it's time for me to go to bed and forget this defeat. Wish you all a good night ^-^

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath"

I am a very enthusiastic Person so if i like something, i like it very ... let's say 'intense' ^-^
Now i found a new TV series that thrills me. Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you

Since i read the Tweets of one of my favourite Authors, who admires, ADORES this series, i already knew for a long time that there was a BBC series about Sherlock Holmes. But it took a coincidence to make me watch it. Thank God! XD

The Story in short: Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Conan Doyle never existed, the series begins in today's London. Military Doctor John Watson just returned from war and is looking for a place to live. A friend introduces him to Sherlock Holmes and together they rent a room in Mrs. Hudsons house. Sherlock, the extraordinary yet very arrogant "consultant detective" and John, the calm, bit sarcastic and down to earth Doctor, completely Sherlocks antipole. Together they investigate cases and experience all kind of situations, meet quirky *g* people etc, eeetc.

This unique mix captured my interest from the beginning. I love Sherlocks Behaviour, how he sometimes insults without noticing, just because he's so DAMN intelligent-genial XD

And all the while Watson is by his side, observing and commenting ^-^

Kind of spoiler, but everyone who knows the books/films should know her: Besides Sherlock of course, my favourite character is Irene Adler.

Lara Pulver portrays her as a cool, intelligent and beautiful femme fatale. She really is on a par with Sherlock :D To tell more would be a real spoiler, so i have to stop now.

Do yourself a favour and watch this series! ! ! 

Gap

Since i was ~14 years old, i knew him. He was a good friend for my mother and a great help in official things, since she didnt know how to defend herself very good at that time. One big part why i respected him so much was that he was by my mum's side in the worst moment of her life. I was a little kid, i couldnt do much, so i felt relieved when i saw her smile again.
One Saturday morning he came to eat breakfast with us. He even brought some special little fancy cakes :D That's how the tradition started. Since then he always came with these sweets and did eat with us while telling us unfunny jokes only he could laugh about. But it was funny to watch him *g* He was like the spirit of a young tomboy in the body of an adult man.
There were many times when my mum and him argued hard. After that always came the periods where they avoided each other during weeks, even months. But still, we all knew for sure that if something had happened, he would have helped us. Everytime my mum went on vacation and my brother and i were alone at home, my mum and him, both told us to ask him if something seems wrong. He helped my brother when he had to go to court (a boy beat him up and he lost part of his teeth -.-). Since he was well-known and had good contacts, he could always tell us a way to solve problems (financial and juridical ones,concerning health etc). He helped me coooountless times when i had to argue with my father about the damn money. I was so happy that he got angry, everytime he heard how our father treated my brother and me. He REALLY cared about us and liked us! I feel helpless without him because he was my *g* knight in shining armour concerning suing my dad.
I think i should have tried to get to know him better. He was scorpion (zodiac) like me. We always joked about him being my real father, because we had the same eye colour.
I didn't know him as good as my mother did, but still enough to miss him. Everytime someone mentions 'lawyer'. Or 'gun'. Or 'suicide'.
Rest in peace, wherever you are

Countless undiscovered doors

Yesterday i was chatting with a friend, when he asked me a question, one that startled me a bit. "How do u think your life will be after you get 'well' again?" Sounds quite normal and easy. But thinking it really through....some friends will treat me differently, my mum'll treat me less kind and protect me less, some people will like me more because i'm ok again etc, etc. In short, my life WILL change and there won't be only good ones. I realized that this frightened me and maybe that's one of the reasons i have such difficulties in trying to change.
BUT, besides all these new questions i realized another important thing. There was a new way of looking at things in my brain (figuratively speaking). It seemed like there suddenly *puff* appeared a new door to a different way of living and seeing life. And i thought, maybe there are even more of these doors? Maybe the times i feel really depressed because i dont see a way to get through the troubles, i just didnt look hard enough? Knowing that there might be countless other possibilites to master the hardships of life gives me hope and courage ^-^ Even in times i'm stuck in complete darkness, it's good to know that there is light, altough i might not be able to see it.
Just wanted to share this with you, might help you too a bit :D

To-Watch List

I'm still trying to cope with the latest events, but in the meantime, let me tell you some GOOD things :D

There are so many things i can't wait to see/read/experience this year! ! ! First, the two Snow White Movie Versions:
Snow White & the Huntsman 
Mirror Mirror
Just the SW&tH Soundtrack from the Trailer drives me crazy XD It makes me want to a) see more of the movie   or/and b) go to war *lol* Such music always makes me jittery
And i want to see "Mirror, Mirror" 's Evil Queen Julia Roberts! I love this actress and i like the way she interprets the wicked stepmother *g*
Then there is of course "The Hunger Games" which premiers this week. The HG Trilogy are my favourite books, they impressed me in such a damn strong way that i'll never be able to forget them. So i hope the movie turns out good ^^°
Next is the upcoming Emilie Autumn Concert in my hometown in two weeks :D It'll be the first time i'll be able to witness her show, so i'm pretty excited ^-^

And right after her show, the second season of "Game of Thrones" starts!!! I think i won't go to sleep before midday that day XD
At the end of april "The Avengers" is going to start in our cinemas and i know for sure that i won't go alone to watch this film. Nearly every male friend of mine and many females waited for ages for this movie to come out!
In August i'm supposed to attend the Wacken Festival, if we can get tickets that is. I hope we'll be lucky, it would be such a deep impression and experience! Plus i would be going with my boyfriend and my best friend! Let's keep our fingers crossed ^^°
There are more movies etc but right now i only remember one last important release date, Nov/Dec 2012. Clockwork Princess. Yeeeehaa!!! The last book of the "Infernal Devices" series from genius Cassandra Clare! Could be a wonderful birthday or christmas present *gg*

That's it for now, next time i'll get hyped up by some movies or stuff like that i'll tell you again ;)

Turbulent vacation

I got home today from my trip to my family in spain. It was a really fun time, i got time to play with my cousin and went with here to an amusement park (3x3 really cool/frigthening rollercoaster, i'm great! XD) and i got to understand the situation spain and my family is in right now (sad, pessimistic and dangerous) a lot better.
But during these two weeks, there was always a thought at the back of my mind. . . The second day in Madrid, we got an early phone call. My mum told me that one of our dearest  friends shot himself with a rifle. In his office. His cleaning lady found him.... I still cant believe it. It sounds like a CSI chapter. Even the details, which i dont want to remember again writing them down. But i had to forget all about this, to not let it spoil (. . .) my trip, which my mum bought for me as a present. Besides, my granny was grieving enough for us both. I couldnt let my sad thoughts deepen her pain. Or the pain of my mum, aunt. . . So i packed it away. But now i'm back at home, where i could let the tears flow without (many) restriction. Still, i know i wont be able to fully believe it. He was rich, admired, loved, successful and he laughed so much!!! He seemed to enjoy life to its fullest!! Everything i thought i knew about him stands in complete contrast to the way he chose to die. And we dont even know why!! I'm so sad, and angry. He left us, his friends, his three sons and his wife and many, many more behind, without even explaining why!! I really cant think about a reason why he was driven to such a harsh death. . . Except maybe an incurable lethal sickness. But i'm afraid, we'll never get to know it.
I just had to write this down, it's a form of letting the sadness out too ^^°
You never know what your friends, the one's you think are so close to you, really think. Love them while you can

Fly me to the Moon . . . and then beam me to Madrid please :D

I'm still nervous about my visit in Spain,but now it's mixed with anticipation. Firstly because i like journeys in general, and i looove going by train(♥_♥)  Secondly, because i had a long talk with a very,veeery good friend. I know that i'm thinking too much now and i plan to enjoy the time in Spain to its fullest! Substitutionery for you too, and especially my friends. Someday i want to show them my second hometown and how it is to live your every day live surrounded by spanish people. Though it's an europian land too, it's so different than the austrian's way of life! Not all of it is good of course (the social constitution e.g. Oo) but despite all that...i just simply fucking LOVE Spain! ! !  (*_*) I can't explain what exactly makes me adore this wonderful country and his people, but maybe i'll be able to do so, when i get back to Austria.
So, have a good time, enjoy life and we'll see us again in two weeks! (^_^)/"

Pleasant(?) Anticipation

Soon i'll visit my mother's hometown, where many of my relatives live. The one nearest+dearest to me are my granny, my aunt and her two kids, my elder cousin and my little cousin ^-^ Its not the first time i go there, not at all! I always stay at my grandmother's place and we go to my aunt's to spend the day, eat, and/or make a trip to (mostly) places within the city. I know all this, i know it so well, and i used to be like "YAY i'm going to see my Family again and wander through the city!!" I couldnt wait to be there.
Last time i went there was nearly exact two years ago. Meanwhile a lot happened. My brother got a girlfriend there and thus he visits them all every ~four/five months. So he knows my families situation as good as my mother. They know the ways through the city and are up to date with all events that are happening there. In short, they both seem to me like real natives.
I love my second home country! But i dont want to go right now. Nearly a week till i leave and i cant bring myself to be happy about it. Well, not as happy as i should. I am afraid. Of what? That, i dont know exactly. But i know that i already/will feel like an intruder to a world unknown to me. I will be the "newcomer", the "outsider" or the "stranger" whom you need to explain everything. Plus, i dont like their cooking ^^° I am veeeery picky and at home in Tyrol i know what the things to eat and to cook that i can eat. But there, i almost end up half an hour after everyone else has finished and my meal seems like a mouse nibbled at it. Its a miracle that i dont die of hunger. But thank God they have this wonderful donuts *drools* Well, back on topic.
I love and adore my spanish family and i want to hug and cuddle them all day long everytime i actually see them. But i know, this time i'll feel like a country bumpkin in Shibuya. . .
I really am ungrateful, arent i? But i cant change the way i feel ^^°
Let's hope it's just some sort of premature home sickness :D

Unfocused

Years ago i gave myself the Nickname "Esclava del Chaos" (Slave of Chaos). Part of the reason is that i thought i was .. kind of crazy. Turned out that it is in fact an illness, so it had nothing to do with me being too weak to pull things off. But there is another reason, and this one still exists.
I feel like i'm in the middle of Chaos or some kind of fog. I dont see whats next, what my surroundings really are etc. And thanks to that i cant make plans for the future, i feel shallow too. I feel like beeing surrounded by many,many,gazillions of colorfoul and exciting moments which i can only watch and never get to touch them. For example, when i'm doing something i like, e.g. going to the cinema with friends, i have fun. On the surface. But inside it seems unreal to me. So i laugh and have a good time, knowing that my real laughter and happiness is something else. Am i hypocritical? But i WANT to let all these feelings touch the inside of my heart and not only the surface. I just dont know how to do that. 
Well, just wanted to share this with you,since it came to my mind now. But i have to go, so cyu next time ^-^