Birthdays

Soon i'm gonna turn 32. And everytime i think about my birthday i cry.

It's not the age that gets me depressed. It's how different i celebrate it compared to my childhood birthdays. I was always excited, since everything was good that day.

Now it's just a reminder how another year has passed and i haven't achieved anything noteworthy. I haven't even improved. And not only do i see it, my parents do too. Even if they try to be sublte, i can feel their dissapointment.

I think i don't want to celebrate it anymore.

I really want to be a kid again and stay that way.


Neverland, here i come!

New Passion and new Sisters

Not much time has passed since i discovered Super Junior. And wow did i learn a lot! Not only about the Band themselves, but about the fandom too. The Ever Lasting Friends, or ELF.

I miss you

When i was a kid, my mum always told me to take my little brother with me, when i went out to play. I didn't really like it, because i had to take care of him and couldn't concentrate fully on playing. I didn't want him there, but oh boy, if somebody else than me or my family talked bad about him or even tried to DO something to him..... i'd go berserk! I know it didn't seem so, because i was very tiny, but i would have fought with guys three  times bigger than me if it was to protect him.

He followed me everywhere, they even put us in the same kindergarten class because he wanted to be with me! And even though he was younger, i liked having my brother, an ally, a friend, around me.

He was a very sensitive, nice and loyal kid. But puberty and especially teenager can change you. He adapted and then came the divorce of our parents. Both of us coped in different ways. I can't blame him for seeing my way as the goody-two-shoes way. It was the only way i was capable of, the only way i had at the time, to stay true to myself.

We drifted apart. Since we both lived with our mum, he was the only boy at home and together with two strong and stubborn women. I can understand that his knee-jerk reaction was to think that we oppressed him because he was a man. I don't comprehend him, but i understand it, seeing as our father said similar things to him.

So we drifted farther apart.

Nowadays it's not as bad as in it's peak times. But i'm still scared when i have to talk to my brother. He talks with our mother fine, and i'm reaaaally grateful for that, but i can't seem to get the same connection with him. He always think i'm attacking him, making him a guilty conscience or doubting him.

I simply wanted to know how's he doing. I know nothing about my baby brother, except the tidbits i get from my mum. It doesn't feel like i have a brother anymore and everytime i think about it, i cry. I miss him so much.

A new love 💙

Since i have waaay too much freetime, i'm on the internet very often. So i knew that KPop existed. I even listened to a KPop Playlist on youtube while i was playing Dragon Age 2 (don't know why but the soundtrack spooked me). But not until this August '18 did i really get into it. Or, to be exact, i got into Super Junior.

I have no idea why it was them, but when i started to read and watch about them, i started to like them more and more.
I'm in a very bad place emotionally again, so maybe that was it. Their brotherly bond, the way they act around one another, laughing, playing pranks, trusting.... Maybe that's what attracted me. They work so hard, and have been working hard for nearly the last two decades (including Trainee days), and they are still themselves.

They are role models for me.

Maybe some day i can experience a Super Show and be part of the saphire blue ocean

It's broken. Ok, now what?

I always wondered what i would do when my boyfriend broke up with me (little pessimistic me was sure it was "when" and not "if". . . ).

Saving Eorzea - and helping myself a bit too

When Final Fantasy 14 came out, i was ecstatic. Another Final Fantasy and this time i could play together with my friends? Of course i had to get that game!
The World was big and colourful, there were tons of things to do and i had a lot of fun. The only thing that dampened my mood.....were the times i had to play with others.

Girugamesh - our last time with them

I went to a Girugamesh Concert in May with two good friends.

Girlish Love Revolution

The main character, Hitomi Sakuragawa, was once a cute, beautiful girl, winning beauty contests in childhood. However, after losing to the temptation of junk food received from fans, she has steadily gained weight… until she reached 100 kg in her second year of high school. At the beginning of the school year, the main character and her brother move into her father’s mansion-like dorm. Surprise awaits as she discovers that the school’s most popular guys are also moving in. Their impressions on her shock her into starting a diet.

Source

Pure Chaos!

I moved into a new apartment!
It's bigger and cheaper and waay better than the old one, wuhu!

But i can't find half of my things now....and my PC still doesn't have an internet connection (or a connection to electricity...) . All i have is my laptop, meaning, i can't play all my games *snif*
I think it'll take a while till i post again about Visual Novels......^.^°

Catching up

Originally i wanted to wait till the 10th season finale from supernatural, to watch all the episodes. Did not work.
My friend started to watch them and commented about it veeery frequently on WhatsApp. This friend of mine could be a professional commentator, no matter for what. She's hilarious! It piqued my interest, so i started watching too. I'm on episode S10E18 now .

Look at me, adulting like an adult

The days that i feel fine are very scarce. That makes them all the more special to me. Like today. Nothing unusual, a visit to the authorities, a trip to look for something my brother wanted, i did my weekly shopping, cleaned my apartment a bit and even did the laundry! XD

These are the times i feel like an adult. Which is funny, because i know that tomorrow at the latest i'll be playing games all day again and doing hardly anything useful *lol* 

But i love these adult-days. They mean that even if i progress more slowly than a snail, i still DO progress. I'm way more adult-like than i was a few years ago. Even if i still have trouble making important phone calls or making visits to the authorities, at least i do them now. 

I have to remember those useful days. Because when i'm down again (which is 80% of my time), i only see all my failures. But i can do more than fail, i am capable of doing much more! So i enjoy days like today to the fullest ^-^

The four Musketeers

My spanish aunt and granny are on a visit in Tyrol again ^-^

Backstage Pass

The glamor and glitz of showbiz hold little appeal for Sian. As the daughter of a professional makeup artist, she knows how stressful and uncertain work can be, and she aspires to something more stable. When a sudden accident topples her plans for a smooth college life, she realizes she must put her own makeup skills to use if she wants to make it through the year. The entertainment world may be wild and unpredictable, but Sian's about to learn there's also a lot to love.

Source

Echoes in the Dark - Alpha v0.1

The wonderful and talented Rinmaru made this post on her tumblr a week ago.

First World Problems - Too many games to play

Even though i don't seem to be a "typical" gamer, i seem to have one of their problems.

I bought five games on steam (two visual novels, one jrpg, two final fantasys), i still have to finish persona 4 which i borrowed from a friend + dragon age origins (bought that last year) and am playing Dragon Quest IX right now.

Don't know how i always get into these situations X.x I love all these games (minus the jrpg, that's a kinda strange one), but i'm too curious to first finish a game, noooo, i want to "try the others out" too. So i start to play them all at the same time.....

Buff.....well i'm off to try to finish one of the games XD

Backstage Pass - First Impression

It's still on early access, but i bought it since i couldn't wait any longer. I have zero patience X.x
I won't say much about the game right now, i'll get to that later.

Just this, i played Adam's route as the first one and i got a really nice ending XD
I really love the intro song (can't get it out of my head now >.<) the art and the characters, all in all i think it's a very good game. Only minus atm, i feel like there was a bit too little overall story. But that can just be my imagination. I'll find out in the next path, up next is Benito. Yeees....i know he's 15 and the MC is 18.....but he's so funny and kinda cool. Oh boy, what have visual novels turned me into? XD

Anyway, have a good night ^-^

Don't see you often, but i still love you

Most of my friends i don't see very often. But even so, even if we don't talk (via social media etc), i still know that they would be there for me if i needed them and vice versa. Although i would like to see them more. It's always great to get together with them, talking about things we like without hardly breathing in between, agreeing on things we never thought we would find another person to agree with, talking nonsense to embarras each other etc etc eeetc. Recently i made a new friend and she fits our group perfectly XD She's as crazy and strange as we are :D
I wish we could go to a concert together, dressed hilariously like we used to, and having an adventure on our way to and from the concert. I LOVED these times, and we still like to mentally revisit these adventures. We had our Gothic Lolita Dresses and our "metal" outfits, we talked about JMusic for Hours and liked to imagine what we would do if we ever got to journey to Japan. Those were the good old days ^-^

2008

Today

Friends are the greatest gift one can get

Sailor Moon Crystal - Episode 10

I'm catching up on SMC and watched the tenth episode just now.
I LOVE this episode! Although the sailor senshi still aren't very individualistic and are still only portrayed as a team/unit (if they follow the manga that should change soon), they at least kicked ass a bit this time. Aka, they didn't just stand there (although they did afterwards...but well...). But i LOVE how Sailor Moon is so much tougher in the remake. She whines, she cries a lot, yes, but she stands up again and fights! She doesn't wait for someone to yell at her to take action as she did in the 90s anime. She is really cool, strong and has a lot of willpower. That's what i loved about the manga. She wasn't the crybaby the 90s anime made of her. She was a little girl with weaknesses, yes, but she overcame them on a regular basis and kicked ass by believing in her friends and in love (ok the last bit is a bit cheesy, but who cares XD).
Yay Sailor Moon Crystal!

Nicole - SPOILERS

Since i was sick and i had tons of time (i should have studied, but oh well..) i played Nicole. 

Nicole is thrilled that she managed to get into her first choice school and is looking forward to experiencing college life there. However, as soon as she moves into the university dorms, she finds out that there’s been a series of mysterious disappearances going on around the campus!

Source 

New games, moi is very happy about that ^u^

Since i started an ECDL class (i had to improve my computer skills x.x), i didn't have much time to play any games. Besides a bit of Fantasy Life (omg, it's so cute >.<)

But thanks to my Birthday being in November and the Steam Sale last Weekend i got some new Visual Novels.

I got Backstage Pass
thanks to my awesome mum. Altough she still thinks playing video games and the sorts is something for little kids and not for a nearly 30ish "adult"....Oh dear cute mummy, if you knew...i'm still gonna be playing everything i can get my hands on when i'm 80 *hehe*

I bought Hatoful Boyfriend too. I heard so much about it and always wondered how a Pigeon Otome Game would be. Now i'm gonna find out ;)

Last, i bought Nicole. If something has the tag 'Mystery' on it my ears perk up, so i had this one on my wishlist since i first read of it.

These three VNs and Fantasy Life will make the christmas holiday very sweet and adventurous, I can't wait!