Today was the first day after so much time that i needed these guys to comfort me. I am going my way in life. I know i cant go very fast and most of the time now i spent waiting. But hey, at least something, right? Still, since my family (aware or unaware) always reminds me to consider THEIR feelings about THEIR bad situation (=having to deal with me) i sometimes get the feeling i'm drowning. Yes, i try to understand them, and they sure have a lot of trouble thanks to me. But whats with me?! The Girl that is living under these circumstances?? Can't i too expect some comprehension and patience? I try to appear as stable and normal as possible, but dont they know that inside i'm crying and screaming for help? Dont they know that i am desperate because i cannot be ME, i cannot do the things i want to, i cant be independent?!! And then in all seriousness they expect me to comfort them when they are troubled because they dont understand me??? Sure......
Well, sometimes in a while its good to cry your heart out. Someday it will get better. And maybe someday even my mum recognizes that this situation is bad, EVEN FOR ME -.-
At least i hope so
Wow, that's tough. You shouldn't be the one to comfort them. You are the one that needs constant comfort and trust. Yeah, you cannot expect them to know how to cope, but reading this just makes me sad. Please don't just accept that they behave this way and that they don't realize how serious stuff this situation is to cope with for you on your own! They HAVE to understand what damage they do to you when they come to you for comfort on this matter. I think this is just unbelievable. I'm lost for words. And I think you are doing just great! With your babysitting job and your patience and darling, like Tyrion Lannister said to Cercei in A Clash of Kings: There is waiting, and there is waiting. So be fierce and tough as a lioness and cry when you feel the urge to, because we all know that it is not weakness, that describes you best, but passion and devotion and your tears will be hot and full of life instead of empty and sad.
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