The World was big and colourful, there were tons of things to do and i had a lot of fun. The only thing that dampened my mood.....were the times i had to play with others.
Soon i discovered that those Raids etc were my blind spot. They were the times when my anxiety and social phobia came back to say hello. Violently. And it didn't help that half of the time i had no idea what i was doing (battle-wise) and the people i played with noticed that of course. There were a few that commented on it and not all of them did it in a nice way. From an objective point of view, the hateful comments weren't that bad (worst i got was "you're worst mage in EU"), but it was enough for me to make me angsty. And that's when i stopped playing.
Three weeks ago, nearly 3 years after i stopped playing, my boyfriend told me he wanted to play again. Since my anxiety and social phobia aren't as bad as they used to be, and as a kind of practice, i decided to try it again.
Everytime i heard the "tsching" that signaled a full party/the commence of a raid, my heart skipped. Not in a good way. But i was prepared. I watched videos about the dungeons i wanted to enter and asked my boyfriend and our friends for tips. Still, my heart didn't relax.
BUT
I did it. I played through the Main Story of "A Realm Reborn". And it wasn't as hard as i remembered. Maybe because i played a Bard this time. Maybe because i prepared myself. Or maybe..... because my anxiety really IS better now?
Either way, i bought the add-on "Heavensward" and even if half the Raids are on Hard Mode now, i will at least try them!
2013 Alita Aren, Blackmage
2017 San Naberrie, Bard
Wish me luck!
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