Weird

Yesterday i bought the utensils for my fathers present, cloth and ribbon. Thought that i could make him an Omamori. If I make it myself i can make it just for him, for what he needs. At times when i'm in a bad mood, i think i should wish him mental sanity. When i'm in a sad mood, it's sense/realization. But i must remain neutral, so i think it should be something like...luck with the job or luck with his life in general. Sounds really stunning -.-

Everytime i think about this situation, i have to refrain from laughing. Not a happy laughter. Its just too strange.


When i was little, the world was entirely ok. The only problems i had were the presents i didnt get at christmas, the sweets i wanted to have etc. My mum was strict but kind and my dad was like a big clown and sometimes even a hero to me. I knew i was being protected. Then came the time when i suddenly had to realize that my dad had exchanged his/my family just to be with another woman. And he began to change. Everything my brother and i said was a subtil attack from my mother to him. So we could no longer speak normally with him. He wanted us to chose one side, but hey, which child can do that?!? I think this was the time when we started to drift apart. He no longer knew who his kids were and we only got to know that our father saw us as nice to play with but very expensive and complicated to deal with. As time went by our relationship became more and more difficult. The only thing he now knows about me (or thinks to know) is that i only want his money and his problems dont matter to me. And the only thing i still know about him is that he only sees me 1) as a clone of my mother 2) as a money-hungry leech
And now, after countless times of trying to get through to him, i couldnt stand it anymore. He told me that he no longer has obligations regarding us kids. After all, we already are full-aged... Seems like he thought all we should do now is visit him, show him that we love him, have fun with him and his family etc.Being all love, peace and harmony stuff -.-
I just cant do that. I'm no person who can ignore the negative things and act as if nothing happened. And it hurts me to deal with my father, when he no longer sees me as his kid, whom he has to protect and take care of. Especially now i would need his help. I'm in a really difficult situation, and i cant even explain to myself what the problem is. So i need every help i can get. And one of the persons who should be my crutch ignores that i am in need of support.
So now in a few days he'll celebrate his 50th Birthday. Since my brother is going to attend i'll give him my present to take with him. Still, its a weird situation.
Does everybody have this kind of trouble?? Sometimes i think it would be a lot easier if i were an animal. A  pantheress would be nice :)